DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Having made thousands of approaches myself, and coached hundreds of men, I’ve learned, through experience, everything that a guy needs to know about how to approach a girl.
- IMMEDIATELY APPROACH
- HAVE CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE
- APPROACH IN FRONT AND AT AN ANGLE
- KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
- SMILE
- MAKE EYE CONTACT
- SPEAK LOUDLY AND SLOWLY
- LEAD THE INTERACTION
All guys would like to meet that hot girl they see at Starbucks or on the street. Unfortunately, they don’t have the skill set. I’ll teach you what to consider and how to approach a girl, regardless of where she is.
HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL YOU LIKE
Meeting girls is a skill set, just like playing a sport. Consider golf. Even the greatest players in the world don’t always make their shots. Yet they practice and develop the skill set that gives them the best odds to win. Here you will learn exactly how to approach a girl, so you have the best chance of meeting her.
There is no guarantee that any girl will be open to meeting you. She might have a boyfriend; she might be having a bad day; you might not be her type; she might be opposed to meeting someone randomly, etc. Meeting girls is a numbers game, always has been, always will be. The missing part of this statement is that you have to know how to approach girls. If you do, I promise that with enough approaches, you will find success.
Guys see women at school, work, house parties, restaurants, bars, the gym, the streets, just about anywhere they look. Most guys are terrified to approach any of these women, mainly because they are attracted to them and fear rejection. This fear can be alleviated if you know the fundamentals of the approach. Treat all girls as if they are just another girl. Here are the necessary skills to know while approaching a girl.
Don’t Hesitate
When you see a girl that you like, you must approach her immediately. If you wait, you will psych yourself out. You will make every excuse in the book why you should not approach her. It is called analysis paralysis. Also, she will see you lingering, and you will creep her out. You will come off as a low-value guy with no confidence, and when you finally approach, she will reject you.
I get it; you have “approach anxiety.” Approach anxiety is crippling fear men have toward approaching a girl they find attractive. It will never go away. You have to ignore this fear, step out of your comfort zone, and do it anyway. The good news is the more you approach, the less approach anxiety you will have. By not trying, you reject yourself. I would much rather be rejected by the girl than reject myself.
Use the 2-second rule. When you see a girl, you must approach within 2 seconds. The truth is, your timing might not be ideal. She might be on the phone; she might be with friends, etc. If you wait, you may never see her again. You might as well get rejected by her rather than not take the chance. It might be your only opportunity.
Confident Body Language
It is important to have good posture. This was a weak point of mine for a while; I used to slouch. It shows a lack of confidence. Stand up straight, make sure your shoulders are back, and keep your hands out of your pockets. Doing this makes the girl see you as a confident and high-value guy. Click here to learn more about good posture. Don’t fidget or move around. Plant yourself and stand there confidently. Stillness is power!
Approach In Front and At an Angle
Make sure to be in front of a girl, not behind her. If you approach from the side take one more step forward so you are slightly in front of her. Do not approach a girl head-on; it is threatening. Instead, come in at a slight angle. The key here is to stay out of her personal space. If you are head-on, keep your distance and turn your body slightly.
Distance
Keep your distance, no matter what angle you approach from. If you move too close, she will perceive you as a threat. Use your words and your voice to say hi and make the initial contact. Give her a second to see that you are friendly and not a danger. Then you can move in closer.
Smile
Always smile when approaching a girl, it shows that you are not a danger to her. A smile shows warmth and will elicit a good response. Your smile should not be a wide, teeth-showing, fake smile. Instead, your smile should be more casual and friendly. Lessen your smile to more of a smirk after the initial approach. A slight smile shows confidence and friendliness.
Make Eye Contact
You must make eye contact with a girl as you approach her. It shows that you’re confident and comfortable around others. Looking into someone’s eyes creates a certain level of trust. Eye contact is an essential first step in developing rapport and attraction. Do not wear sunglasses. Keep eye contact throughout the interaction, yet don’t stare her down. Break eye contact every once in a while, so you don’t come off as creepy.
Speak Loudly and Slowly
Here is the single biggest problem guys encounter. They do not speak loud enough or slow enough, and the girl cannot hear them. When a girl cannot hear you, she tunes you out. Speaking loudly and slowly shows confidence. It shows that you have something to say, and you are used to people listening. Don’t worry if other people can hear you; they are insignificant.
If you are having problems approaching a girl, I guarantee you are not speaking loud enough or slow enough. Practice this with a friend or family member. Make sure they are brutally honest with you.
Lead The Conversation
Don’t expect to walk up to a girl, say hi, and then she is going to start talking. This is not going to happen, at least not most of the time. You must lead the conversation and get a girl talking. A great way as a beginner is to walk up to a girl and tell her she has a nice style and she caught your eye. Continue talking, tell her something about yourself. You need to reach the hook point, the point where she engages by asking you a question.
Do not conduct an interview- What is your name? Where are you from? What do you like doing? Where do you live? This is a turnoff for women. Instead, make the conversation random and stimulating. If you want to understand girls, listen to the song “Girls Just Want To Have Fun, by Cyndi Lauper.” Keep the conversation light and positive. No negativity! You want the girl to see you as a good addition to her world.
Do not brag about yourself. You may have money, women, cars, etc. It doesn’t matter. Make the conversation about the girl. Once you get her talking, you are golden. Girls love to talk. Just listen, she will love you for it.
SAMPLE APPROACH
You: Hi there, you have a nice style and caught my eye, what are you doing in my neighborhood?
Her: “Blank stare.”
You: You’re not from around here.
Her: No, I just moved here.
You: Welcome to my city, I’m John, I don’t bite, what is your name?
Her: I’m Mary.
You: Nice to meet you Mary, I was working all day, I just left my apartment and I’m running some errands. What are you up to?
Her: I’m shopping and exploring the area. Are you from here?
You: Yeah, I grew up here, and never left. I guess I am a local. It is actually my civic duty to welcome all cute girls who come to my neighborhood (said with a smirk). What made you move here?
BREAKDOWN
Ding ding ding! You reached the hook point; she engaged and asked a question. That is a good sign. All you have to do is keep her talking. Notice there was some flirtation in there. It is critical in any interaction. The girl must know that it is a man to woman interaction, not a friendly exchange. Throw in some flirty lines here and there, and some teases. Don’t make a big deal of it. Keep the conversation moving.
HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL AT A BAR
- IMMEDIATELY APPROACH
- HAVE CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE
- APPROACH IN FRONT AND AT AN ANGLE
- KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
- SMILE
- MAKE EYE CONTACT
- SPEAK LOUDLY AND SLOWLY
- LEAD THE INTERACTION
Approaching a girl at a bar is pretty much the same as approaching a girl anywhere else. In certain respects, it might be easier. When I am out at a bar, I consider every girl fair game. If she is there, she is putting herself in the line of fire. Girls expect guys to talk to them. The sad truth is that many guys stare and don’t approach. Don’t be that guy, make approaches. “Hi, I don’t think we met yet, I’m John.”
If you are at a bar and the girl is ordering drinks or paying her bill, wait until she is done. The worst is when you approach, and at that exact second, the bartender comes over to take her drink order. Awkward!
Do not ignore her friends. Approach the girl first, then acknowledge her friends. If you don’t they will dislike you and eventually pull her away.
Do not buy the girl a drink, at least not right away. If you do, you will be seen as a low-value guy. She will probably take the drink, yet the interaction will never go anywhere. If you are talking to the girl for a little while and it is going well, then you can offer to buy her a drink. It is best if you can move her. “Come with me to the bar, let’s grab a drink.” Lead the interaction!
HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL AT THE GYM
- IMMEDIATELY APPROACH
- HAVE CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE
- APPROACH IN FRONT AND AT AN ANGLE
- KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
- SMILE
- MAKE EYE CONTACT
- SPEAK LOUDLY AND SLOWLY
- LEAD THE INTERACTION
Approaching a girl at the gym is pretty much the same as approaching a girl anywhere else. The good news is that you have some things in common to talk about. You both are into working out, you both go to the same gym, and you both are at the gym at the same time. The key is to not stare at her while she is working out and then approach when she goes to the water fountain. Doing this creeps girls out.
If she has headphones on, so what? Walk up and gesture for her to take out her headphones. Most guys are too scared to do this. Try this out; girls love when guys are assertive. Be a wolf!
Keep the interaction short. You are at the gym to workout, and the girl is too. Girls will appreciate a socially savvy guy who recognizes that she is busy and doesn’t have time to talk for hours. Your best bet is to get her number. “You seem sweet and nice; we should get a smoothie sometime. How does that sound?” Wait to see her response. If she reacts positively, take out your phone and get her number.
PRO TIP: Always get a girl’s number for a reason. In this case, it is so the two of you can meet for a smoothie. Don’t just ask for her digits. Suggest plans so that getting her number makes sense.
HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL ON THE STREET
- IMMEDIATELY APPROACH
- HAVE CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE
- APPROACH IN FRONT AND AT AN ANGLE
- KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
- SMILE
- MAKE EYE CONTACT
- SPEAK LOUDLY AND SLOWLY
- LEAD THE INTERACTION
Though approaching girls on the street can be intimidating, it’s actually one of the best places to meet a girl. You can make approaches at any time and it costs no money. There is never a shortage of girls and you will find women who don’t go out to bars and clubs. Be prepared for rejection! Your rate of return will be very low. On the positive side, approaching girls on the street is a great way to practice your skill set.
Always approach a girl from the front, so you aren’t threatening. Keep your distance, so you don’t creep her out. Talk slowly, and don’t be frantic. That is the way to tell if a guy has experience in making approaches. A guy who is smooth and calm has experience. A guy who seems frantic and nervous is a newbie. Mastering this takes time and tons of approaches.
When you approach a girl who is walking, initially walk with her. Casually slow down, and if you reach the hook point, where she is engaging and asking questions, try to stop her. If a girl stops, that shows compliance, a form of investment on her part. The best way to learn to approach on the street is to get out there and do it.
HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL ONLINE
When approaching girls online, first make sure you have a great profile. Then send an intriguing opener that gets a response. After that, you need to have some back and forth conversation that sparks interest and curiosity. Lastly, you must move toward your primary goal of meeting up in person. Don’t try to get to know everything about her, and don’t message too much.
Your profile is the framework for all of your online dating, so you want to take the time and effort to get this right. Make sure you have quality pictures and a bio that shows a snapshot of yourself in a positive light. Aim for around five photos. Include a headshot and a full-body shot. Other pics can include a hobby or interest, an action shot, a day at work, a vacation pic, pets, etc. Avoid mirror selfies and questionable pictures.
SIMPLE MESSAGING FORMULA
- 1st Message – A stand-out opener.
- 2nd Message – Acknowledge her response, add something personal, and ask a question.
- 3rd Message – Acknowledge her response, give some info about yourself, and ask another question.
- 4th message – Acknowledge her response and casually mention getting together.
Correctly starting the conversation is very important. With the number of messages that women get, you need to write something that will catch her attention. Avoid messages like “Hey” and “What’s up?” Always write in complete sentences with proper grammar. Also, leave out compliments about her physical appearance. She gets enough of those messages already.
Instead, focus on something you find attractive in one of her photos or something she said in her profile. For example, if she has a picture of a dog, you could ask her something specific about that breed. If she travels, ask her a question about a place she’s been or mention your past or future travels. If she’s a foodie, ask her what her favorite foreign cuisine is, or what her go-to meal is.
Anything about her profile that catches your eye, besides her curves, is an excellent place to start a conversation. There are no wrong answers. A perk of communicating online is you should feel no pressure making the first move. Take your time and create an intriguing intro message.
HOW TO APPROACH A GIRL AT SCHOOL
- IMMEDIATELY APPROACH
- HAVE CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE
- APPROACH IN FRONT AND AT AN ANGLE
- KEEP YOUR DISTANCE
- SMILE
- MAKE EYE CONTACT
- SPEAK LOUDLY AND SLOWLY
- LEAD THE INTERACTION
Approaching a girl at school follows the same rules as approaching a girl anywhere else. The good news is that you already have things in common. You both go to the same school; you might be taking the same class, you might have the same teachers and the same homework. Focus on these commonalities when starting a conversation.
Stay out of the friend zone. The way to do this is by teasing the girl a little bit and flirting a little bit. Keep your conversation exciting and fun. Make the girl want to get to know you better. You may start the conversation talking about school, yet you must quickly change the topic to something more fun. You can ask what she does on the weekends, or what Netflix shows she watches. Don’t be boring and predictable.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The single most important thing to have when approaching is confidence. Realize and recognize that you are a great catch, and any girl would be lucky to meet you. Girls are looking to meet guys. Be a man! It is ok to be interested in an attractive female. So what if she rejects you? Rejection is normal and natural and a part of life. Don’t ever let it get you down. Keep approaching, and you will improve.
