How to Pick Up a Girl at a Bar by Yourself

Most of my friends got married or are bad with girls. In addition, my crazy work schedule has forced me to meet girls on my own. I live in NYC. There are a ton of bars that are good venues for picking up girls. I’ve been perfecting it for years. Here you will learn exactly how to pick up a girl at a bar by yourself.

• GET YOUR MIND RIGHT
• CHALLENGE YOURSELF
• HAVE A PLAN
• SMILE
• BEFRIEND THE BARTENDERS
• APPROACH IMMEDIATELY
• BE TALKATIVE, FRIENDLY, & FUN
• NEVER GET REJECTED
• DON’T USE PICK UP LINES
• BE CONFIDENT & UNREACTIVE
• KNOW WHEN TO BUY GIRLS DRINKS
• USE YOUR PHONE CORRECTLY
• DON’T GET DRUNK
• KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE
• GO OUT OFTEN

When I go out by myself I usually leave a bar with a girl or group of girls. I also get a number or two, depending on the situation. I learned the hard way, by going out over and over again. Here I will teach you all the things I spent years learning. Good luck!

HOW TO PICK UP A GIRL AT A BAR ALONE

I started going out by myself because I didn’t have anyone to go out with. Just like you can learn to play the guitar, you can learn to pick up girls. It is a skillset and the more you practice, the better you get. It takes time, energy, and effort. Meeting girls at bars is my only option to meet the type of girls I like- hot, cool, and alive. The first and most important thing when going out by yourself is your mindset. Here is mine. I recommend you consider something similar for yourself.

MY MINDSET

I am a great catch. I am a successful guy with an amazing life. Many girls would be happy and lucky to meet me and become part of my life. I deserve to be with a girl I find attractive. I have met girls out by myself before and I know I can do it again. I am not for every girl and every girl is not for me. I am only interested in the girls I connect with. I am not embarrassed or ashamed to go out by myself. I am a man who goes after the things he wants, this includes women.

CHALLENGE YOURSELF

I have been picking up girls at bars by myself for over 10 years. It has not been easy. To be honest, it is a challenge every time I go out. This is important to know. I would compare it to an intense workout. No matter how many times you work out, it is still difficult. You must step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself in order to grow. Talk to groups of girls and guys that scare you. You will get rejected! At some point, you might even be the creepy guy. Yet you will improve.

This is normal and why you need a rock-solid mindset. Nothing should phase or deter you. Some approaches will seem impossible. There are times when there is a group of 3 hot girls busy in conversation. It is scary to approach them and never gets easier. You must try it in order to learn how to do it and ultimately become successful. Make a commitment to yourself. Try new things that aren’t easy. The more you challenge yourself, the more success you will have.

MOTIVATION

Nothing bad is going to happen. Many girls will not be interested, yet they are not going to take out a gun and shoot you. By talking to a girl you are doing nothing wrong. Always maintain your self-respect and be polite. You have the right to talk to any girl at a bar, she in turn has the right to not be interested.

When you step out of your comfort zone and take a chance often your effort is enough to get the girl interested. Let’s say you walk right up to a girl at the bar and introduce yourself. Though you might be shaking and nervous, she will commend you for your efforts. She might think it is cute and start talking to you. She might be your next girlfriend. Who knows? You really have nothing to lose.

HAVE A PLAN

I’m not going to get into the details of how to approach girls. To learn this check out the article How To Approach – Everything You Need To Know.

So you picked out a bar and plan on going up to girls. Sounds great! What are you going to do if you meet a girl who likes you? If your only plan is to talk to her eventually the conversation will die. Failing to plan is planning to fail. The truth is most interactions fail because guys don’t steer it in the proper direction. You will either get her number for another time or hang out with her now and see where you can take it. Here is my game plan when I go out-

• Approach and meet a girl or group of girls.
• Have a drink and connect.
• Move her/them to another location for drinks.
• Take her home.

HANG OUT NOW

Sometimes you will meet a girl who is by herself or with friends who are occupied. Maybe she just got out of work and is grabbing a drink or maybe her friends or coworkers left. Girls who are by themselves are ideal. It is a gift when you find a girl at the bar alone. This doesn’t happen often. Approach her right away. Most of the time girls are with other girls or with groups of guys and girls. Approaching groups is much scarier.

If a girl is with a group you can approach and talk to her one on one. Just be conscious that if her friends come over you have to be normal and say hi to them. Since you are the man you have to lead all interactions. My goal is to have a drink with her and get to know her. Then I move her to another bar. When you leave with a girl and go elsewhere it is like you are on a date.

HANG OUT ANOTHER TIME

Let’s say a girl is there with her friends and she is driving them home. There is no way this interaction can go anywhere. You must get her phone number for another time. For a step-by-step breakdown on how to get a girl’s number check out – How to Approach a Girl at the Gym.

SMILE

Always smile! I smile from the moment I walk into the bar until the moment I leave. Smiling portrays positivity, confidence, friendliness, and fun. It is also contagious. When people see you smile they will smile back. We all like to be around happy people.

BEFRIEND THE BARTENDERS

Always talk to the bartenders when you are alone. When I walk into a bar I introduce myself to the bartenders and ask their names. I then address them by their names. Other people at the bar will think they are your friends. Perfect! I also write their names down in my phone. This way I don’t forget and next time I come into the bar I say hi. It looks good. I actually have a detailed list on my phone of bartender’s names and review it before entering a bar.

APPROACH IMMEDIATELY

There is something called the 3-second rule. If you see a girl you find attractive, you must approach her within 3 seconds. There are a few reasons for this. When we hesitate and wait we miss our opportunity. We psych ourselves out, lose our nerve, and we end up staring. Girls have fine-tuned radar for this. Once they see it, your chances are ruined. You come off as creepy and low value. When you do finally approach, she will reject you.

The reason we hesitate is “approach anxiety.” It is crippling fear men get when they want to talk to a girl they find attractive. It is very primitive, we as humans are scared of rejection. You have to ignore it, it will never go away. Sort of like when you are working out and you are in the middle of a tough set, just push through. The more you approach, the easier it gets.

It looks bad if you are standing alone. You don’t want to seen as the weird guy by himself. That is why you have to constantly approach. Sometimes I even approach a group of guys, just so I am not standing by myself.

Don’t approach if it is not appropriate, for example, if a girl is ordering a drink. Wait a little bit, yet don’t miss your opportunity.

BE TALKATIVE, FRIENDLY, & FUN

Your attitude when you go out should be of a fun, cool, friendly guy. You should be very chatty with everyone. Talk to the hostess, the bartenders, and anyone standing close. When girls go out they want to meet guys who bring the fun. Be that guy. Don’t be scared to be loud and visible. Be the guy who is friendly with everyone at the bar. Girls like that and will want to meet you. It also gets you in the right mood to socialize and flirt.

NEVER GET REJECTED

Not every girl will be interested in you. In fact, most won’t. It is ok, you only need one for the night. If I talk to a girl and she is not interested, I don’t see myself as getting rejected. I just see it as she is the wrong girl. Next! I am always nice. As far as everyone else in the bar is concerned, I was saying hi to an old friend. My interactions are positive, even if a girl isn’t interested.

How do you know if a girl is interested? Start a conversation. Is she investing in the conversation? Is she making eye contact and asking you questions? Be honest with yourself. You can tell when a girl is interested. When in doubt, stay in the interaction. Girls take a long time to get attracted. Attraction is much slower for them. If she is not interested leave the interaction and find a girl who is interested.

SAMPLE INTERACTION

ME: Hi, I’m Matt, I don’t think we met yet.

HER: We haven’t, I’m just chilling with my friends.

ME: Sounds good, are you meetable?

HER: Meetable?

ME: Yeah, able to be met, you have nice style.

HER: I actually have a boyfriend.

ME: Ok, well too bad. Enjoy the rest of your evening.

HER: You too.

This is a typical “rejection.” Not so bad. My head didn’t blow off. Nobody was offended. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe I’m not her type. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. I did nothing wrong. I am a single guy out a bar. Talking to girls is what I am supposed to do. I am not upset when a girl isn’t interested.

DON’T USE PICK UP LINES

Pick-up lines don’t work unless you are being a goofball. When at a bar you don’t need to say anything creative or spectacular. I usually walk up and introduce myself. “Hi, I’m Matt, I don’t think we met yet.” I put out my hand, palm up, and shake hers as I make eye contact. That is all I do. Either a girl will want to meet you or she won’t. It doesn’t depend on your “line.”

BE CONFIDENT & UNREACTIVE

Confidence is the most attractive quality for a girl. Girls want to be led. They want an alpha male who will protect them. When you exude confidence it flips some primitive switches in a girl and causes her to be attracted. With confidence comes unreactivity. No matter what happens it is no big deal. Nothing should phase you. If a girl tells you that you are ugly, say thank you. If a girl asks where your friends are, tell her you don’t have any friends.

The point is, you are a strong and confident guy who cannot be rattled by anyone. Girls will sense this and want to meet you.

KNOW WHEN TO BUY GIRLS DRINKS

Do not walk up to a girl and without knowing her buy her a drink. This is low-value behavior and will end up getting you rejected. Girls will use you for free drinks.

If I meet a girl and we are hanging out, the conversation is going well, it is way past the hook point – I usually buy a round of drinks.

USE YOUR PHONE CORRECTLY

I keep my phone in my pocket most of the time. If I get into an uncomfortable situation I might take out my phone and get on it so I don’t look like the weird guy alone. Here is a pro tip. Sometimes I need to get out of a situation. So I take out my phone and act as if I am answering a call. I fake it and walk away.

DON’T GET DRUNK

I am not opposed to having a drink or two. Yet don’t go overboard. Being intoxicated does not help your game. It makes you sloppy. Sometimes I will have a drink and then get a club soda with a lime. I don’t order a drink every time I walk into a bar. I usually walk up to the bartender, say hi, and tell him/her I will start with a club soda. I wait to order a drink until I am in conversation with a girl.

KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE

I leave under 2 circumstances. The first one is if there are no girls. Maybe I have talked to them all. There is no point in me staying if there are no girls to chat up. The second possibility is if I had a nice interaction and got a girl’s number. You don’t want a girl you just picked up seeing you talk to every girl at the bar. She will not appreciate it and probably won’t go out with you.

GO OUT OFTEN

You must go out often to get competent at picking up girls. Experience is a wonderful teacher. It will take time. The more situations you put yourself in the more you will improve. If you go to a bar and end up not approaching any girls, ok. Yet next time promise yourself you will make some approaches. It is all about challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone.