Is It Weird to Message a Girl on Facebook

Facebook has 2.6 billion monthly active users, which makes it the mother of all social networking sites in the world. Some people find love on Facebook. I was wondering if it is weird to message a girl on Facebook and decided to look into this. Here is the female perspective.

It is NOT weird to message a girl on Facebook. Facebook is used for a myriad of purposes- connecting with old classmates, staying in touch with friends and family, looking for long lost relatives, sharing photos, news, personal stories, and now even dating, to name a few.

Facebook has jumped into the dating game along with all of the other dating sites. Here you will learn the unspoken etiquette that all guys need to follow so that they won’t be seen as too aggressive, creepy, or even as a stalker.


When using any dating app, what are the acceptable instances when it is ok to message a girl on Facebook? Here are 5 permissible situations:

  • When you have already had communication over the phone.
  • If you have already met in person.
  • If she asks you to.
  • If the girl is in your network somehow.
  • If you have matched via the Facebook dating platform.


Allowing a stranger into your cyberspace can feel invasive. You are granting someone a glimpse into your personal life. We all know once you put something on the internet, you can never take it back. That information is out there for eternity. Anything we post, pictures, rants, etc., might be forgotten yet can always be found if someone looks hard enough.  

When you grant a stranger permission to view your Facebook page or vice versa, you have given direct consent. You and the other person have an instant inside track into each other’s lives condensed into feeds, photos, and videos. Work, school, dating, friends, and family information is all readily available.

I am extra cautious about accepting new friends on Facebook, especially guys I don’t know. I try to trust my intuition as to when it is ok. Sometimes I am a bit more open about it and accept new friends immediately. Sometimes it takes months and happens after trust and friendship have been established. Many times it is a hard “no.” I believe that this is a personal choice. 

I noticed I am quicker to accept a new guy friend when we are not in the same city. I like to see his information to ensure that he is a real person, the same person, and not a fake profile. It’s easy for me to block him immediately after, if necessary. 


Dating and relationships are already complicated as it is, distance throws a monkey wrench into the mix. You may have spoken to a guy at length, but due to being far apart, it is hard to get to know him. Granting someone access to your Facebook page is an excellent way for two people to get to know each other without physically seeing each other. Facebook can be a great resource.

If you meet on Facebook’s dating platform messaging is perfectly fine and won’t be seen as awkward. As far as giving permission to your personal Facebook page, that will be entirely at your discretion. Facebook matches you with locals and not people in other cities, so the vetting process is much easier I believe for weeding out fake profiles.

Facebook isn’t set up to be a dating site. The dating portion was born from the site’s evolution. I find that people don’t usually set up fake Facebook profiles with the intention of catfishing other users, contrary to some other dating sites. 


Before you decide to friend a girl out of your network to chat her up and possibly ask her out, you should consider your profile first. Make sure that there is nothing in there that screams: offensive, creepy, or weird. Facebook allows you to send a message to anyone, regardless of friend status. Your profile is all the girl has to go by, it better be good.

When a guy I don’t know tries to friend me, I look to see who we have in common. This is the best way to identify where he knows me from. If we don’t have any friends in common, I check out his profile.

No matter what, you have to write a decent introduction in your note. Include some information- why you would like to friend the girl, perhaps where you have met, or at least some interests you both share. 

It can be as simple as, “I met you at the park the other day with your dog, and I do a lot of volunteer work with animals, and I thought you would be a great addition to my network. We organize fun social activities with other pet owners and thought it would be great to introduce you and your pup into our network.” How do you say no to that?

Or you can be more direct, “your profile came up in my suggested feed, and I see you have a dog. I have a Shitzu who is the love of my life…” A girl will look at your profile and respond if interested.


She’s in your network so you already have your foot in the door. Take a look at her page and like or comment on a few posts, yet don’t overdo it. I have a guy in my network that does this to me and tries to occasionally chat me up. Luckily we live in totally different states. I never met him but we are alumni from the same school. He was already on my Linkedin network so I found it harmless to let him into my personal page. 

He tries too hard, and I find him creepy. My responses are usually one-word answers or often just a “like.” I come off as disinterested; you don’t want to be that guy.

Once the girl you’re interested in sees that you regularly like or comment on her posts, even if it’s just a simple comment like, “beautiful sunset!” she will be more receptive to you when opening up communications. If you see a photo that she posted about an activity, place, or friend you have in common, use it as a conversation starter in FB messager. 

Take note: My pet peeve is guys that I do not know who wish to try to chat with me and start with “Hey.” They do not get a response. If your goal is to ask a girl out in the end, don’t be lazy about it with a dull, zero effort opener. It shows me a total lack of energy and time investment. Why would I waste my time responding?

I’ve found that guys who put in the effort to open up dialogue are the ones who are genuinely interested in getting to know me. They usually read my profile, and you can tell. They mention the stuff we have in common, interests we share, and typically ask a question about a photo. These are the guys I am most likely to respond to.

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