She Keeps Texting but No Date- Here’s Why

I have been in this frustrating position so many times, where she keeps texting me but won’t hang out. After countless failed attempts, I figured out what I was doing wrong and corrected it. I no longer have this problem. When she keeps texting but no date, here is your answer.

It does not matter if you just met or if you two have history, at this point you are just a text buddy. She likes the attention, validation, and entertainment you bring to her through your texts. That is all she is interested in, with you, for now.

I’ll tell you, in detail, how to avoid becoming a text buddy. I’ll also tell you what to do if you have become a text buddy.


Girls are completely driven by emotions. Each girl has her own roster of people they text depending on their mood. Girls love texting with guys, it is fun and exciting. Truth is, girls have no intention of meeting up with most of the guys they text. Here is why girls text-

  1. Entertainment Value
  2. To Get Validation
  3. Time Fillers
  4. Comfort & Safety
  5. Convenience

Girls text for 5 main reasons. The first one is the most important, for personal entertainment. Girls just want to have fun. Texting is fun! When you see a girl on her phone, enthralled, she is probably texting. She is most likely texting a few guys at the same time. Girls are extremely fast texters and usually have multiple text conversations at once. It is like they are playing a video game.

Girls get a lot of validation from guys over text. Guys tell them they are beautiful and bombard girls with compliments and date requests. Girls like their ego to be stroked. Texting is a big ego boost for girls.

Texting is a good time filler. Girls like to be entertained every second. Just in case she has already spoken with her mom and her two besties, she needs other sources to communicate with. Girls text constantly throughout the day. It is like a drug.

When you get into a routine of texting someone it feels safe and comfortable. Most girls I know have a routine of who they talk to in the morning, who they communicate with on their way to work, on their way home from work, etc. If a girl gets a text every morning from a guy, even if she isn’t interested, she expects his texts. It is something she has gotten used to.

There is also the convenience and ease-of-use factor. Instead of sitting at the bar waiting for a friend, a girl will fill the time with texting. How convenient to run through her texts and answer all the guys who texted throughout the day. Then later when she gets home she will have messages waiting. It is very easy, and fun.


Can you imagine, you are out at a bar, you get up the nerve to approach a hot girl, try to have a conversation. It goes ok. You buy her a drink. You talk for 5 minutes or so, nothing special. You kind of meet her friends. Eventually, it gets a little awkward. You tell her you have to go find your friends. You ask for her number and she tells you she has a boyfriend.

You know you are rejected, there is no future with this girl, she is not interested. You will probably never see each other again and if you do you probably won’t speak. Yet you tell her she can put all her drinks on your card for the rest of the night. She says ok. And every time she orders another drink, from across the bar she makes eye contact with you and raises her drink as if saying thank you.

This is what you are doing when texting with a girl who has rejected you. Wasting your time! She is happy to get the free drinks, or whatever validation you offer. She has no interest in you other than the validation. I promise if you see her at the same bar next week, she will say hi and welcome the exact same drink setup.


Do not get into lengthy text exchanges with a girl you like. Doing this is a killer. You destroy the tension, the intrigue, the mystery. All of these ingredients are what a girl needs in order to meet up with you. The phone is for setting dates. When in a relationship you can text away with a girl. Yet when trying to get a girl out, you cannot. Be desirable and only available in person. If a girl likes you she will make time to get together.

Basically you are nipping the problem in the bud. You cannot become a text buddy if you don’t text with her.


It is your job as the guy to navigate the relationship forward. Exchange a few texts and then move in the direction of making plans. Here is a sample text exchange:

Guy: Hi Kat, random and cool to meet you

Kat: Hi guy on street, bold of you to say hi 🙂

Guy: I blame your electricity. Curious about you…

Kat: curious?

Guy: Yeah, you seem sweet and nice, which usually means trouble. Perhaps we can interview each other over Tequila 😉

Kat: Only if it’s Casamigos

Guy: Noted! When are you available for drinks and witty banter?

In the above exchange, there are a few texts and then I move toward making plans. Your job as the guy is to steer the interaction in the correct direction. Make it easy for her. She will come along for the ride if she wants. There are a few possible outcomes:


Guy: Noted! When are you available for drinks and witty banter?

Kat: This is a crazy week, I’m available this weekend.

Guy: Perfect. How’s Sunday evening?

Kat: Sounds good.

Guy: I’ll have Siri pencil you in.


Guy: Noted! When are you available for drinks and witty banter?

Kat: This is a crazy week.

Guy: Ok, let me know when you are available, would be fun to get together.


Guy: Noted! When are you available for drinks and witty banter?

Kat: Listen, you seem really nice, I have a boyfriend.

Guy: Ok, let me know if things change.

If a girl does not make plans, or offer another time, don’t text her again, not till the following week. Try one more time and then forget her. Notice how I ended the text conversation. Leave the ball in her court. Either she is going to make plans, or not. You are not becoming her text buddy. Right here is where you make things clear. Right here is where you set a precedent. You are interested in hanging out and getting to know her, in person.

As for the girl “with a boyfriend,” don’t text her again. You will be surprised. Sometimes a girl will contact you weeks or months later. The fact that you were straightforward with your intent and what you want is very attractive to women.

Either way, avoid becoming her text buddy. By taking this no nonsense route you weed out the girls who aren’t interested in you, the ones who will waste your time. Here is the big secret- A girl will make herself very available to a guy she likes. Her availability is a good measure of her interest level.


Ok, It is too late. You are already a text buddy, tight in the rotation. You couldn’t help yourself. I’ve been there. You really enjoy the interaction. Yeah, you and all the other guys in her same rotation. Continue this texting only if you are ok with wasting your time and being a beta male. She will never go out with you.

Here is what you need to do, just know it is probably too late and you will have a very low conversion rate. Send a text telling her she seems amazing. Ask her when she is available to get together. That is it. Nothing else. It might become a little weird, so what? Don’t stay in purgatory texting with a girl who won’t meet up. It is a waste of your time. Find girls that want to meet up and enter your life and have you in theirs.


Sometimes a girl wants to be more than friends yet says she just wants to be friends. It is a defense mechanism. I would proceed as if there is hope and try to take her out on a date. Maybe in person there will be some chemistry.

Maybe a girl is in the process of breaking up with her guy. Perhaps she is keeping you around as an option. Be clear on your intent and don’t get into long text conversations. This girl might disappear and then in 2 weeks contact you out of the blue.

PRO TIP: After you set plans, send a text a couple days later to keep the interaction warm. Don’t get into a lengthy exchange.

Matt Furman
Matt Furman